Beginner’s Guide to Writing a Book
Spoiler: There will be blood. Mostly from your own forehead hitting the desk.
"Writing a book is like riding a roller coaster in the dark. While blindfolded. And being pelted with popcorn by your inner critic." —The Old Guy
So you want to write a book. That’s adorable.
Or brave. Or wildly naïve. Could be all three. This little guide is for those of you who’ve looked deep into the literary abyss and thought, “Yes, let’s jump.”
Some might say what follows is a list of steps. Others might call it a cry for help. Honestly, you’ll have to decide for yourself.
Find Your Idea
This is the seed. The spark. The thing that wakes you up at 2 a.m. and whispers, “Write me.”
If that hasn’t happened, don’t worry. You can also settle for a vague premise you once scribbled on a napkin after watching a documentary about flamingos. Either way, it’s your idea now. Protect it. Nurture it. Hate it later.
And yes, your idea might feel “done before.” But let’s be real: everything has been done. What matters is whether you can do it with just enough flair to make a stranger dog-ear a page and mutter, “Huh.”
Create a Writing Routine
All successful authors say to write every day. Which means you should definitely try. And fail. Then try again.
Some writers rise at 5 a.m., light a candle, and free-write for 90 minutes before their bodies are fully awake. Others binge Netflix for six days and crank out 4,000 words in a rage spiral on the seventh. Find what works for you.
The real trick? Convincing yourself that sitting still and making stuff up is “productive” when your neighbor is outside pressure-washing their driveway for the third time this week.
Outline Your Masterpiece
You’ll need a roadmap. Or a compass. Or a box of colored pencils and an unhealthy obsession with chapter arcs.
Go ahead, build the outline. Flesh out the plot. Color-code your characters by emotional stability. Just understand that by the time you hit Chapter Four, your story will politely inform you that it no longer needs your permission to go rogue.
Writers call this “flow.” Psychologists might call it dissociation. Either way, get comfortable with uncertainty.
Write the First Draft
This is where dreams are born. And immediately injured.
Your first draft will be a mess. It should be. If it’s not, you’re either editing too soon or suspiciously gifted and should be monitored.
There will be days when your plot stalls, your characters mumble, and your inner critic keeps shouting things like “You used the word ‘just’ 17 times in this paragraph.” That’s normal.
Write through it. Lower your standards. Then lower them again. Aim for coherence. Greatness is for Draft Four.
If you need help with this, read Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird and learn what SFD is.
Revise (for Eternity)
Here’s the part they don’t tell you: you won’t edit your book once. You’ll edit it forever.
You’ll remove whole chapters. Change names. Kill off characters who didn’t deserve it. You’ll correct a typo and then spend three hours rewording a sentence that was fine the first time. You’ll declare a version “final,” only to find one more adverb that needs to be escorted off the premises.
This is not madness. It’s editing.
Get Feedback (And Then Question Everything)
Send your manuscript to someone you trust. Within minutes of hitting “send,” you’ll feel a deep, personal regret and an overwhelming urge to hide under a weighted blanket for 6–8 business days.
They’ll say it’s “good” but “needs work.” You’ll say, “Of course,” while mentally deleting your entire book and wondering if maybe you should’ve opened that food truck instead.
It’s all part of the process. Cry. Then take notes. Then rewrite.
Then cry again.
Choose Your Publishing Path
Traditional Publishing: You send your manuscript into the void. If you're lucky, someone with a hyphenated title emails you after 14 months. If you're really lucky, they want your book. If you're unicorn-level lucky, they read past page two.
Self-Publishing: You are the publisher. Which means you are also the marketing team, the layout designer, the tech support guy, the complaint department, and the person who wipes the virtual counters when readers spill their coffee in the comments section.
Both routes require fortitude. And possibly snacks.
Market the Book (Also Known as Losing the Will to Live on Instagram)
Now that your book is done, it’s time to be… a brand.
You’ll create graphics, post reels, write newsletters, chase algorithms, and pretend you know what “engagement rates” mean. You’ll pitch podcasts. You’ll join book fairs. You’ll write captions like “Writing is hard, but I’m grateful,” even though your cat just walked across your keyboard and deleted a scene you spent three days writing.
They say this is “part of the journey.” They never say where the journey ends.
Celebrate (But Not for Too Long)
There it is. Your book. In the wild. Breathing. Printed. Published. Real.
You hold it in your hands and whisper, “We made it.”
Then you open to Chapter One, find a typo, and scream into a pillow.
Don’t worry. This is normal.
Now go write the next one. After a nap. Or a long walk. Or three months off the grid. You’ve earned it.
Oh, and whatever you do, don’t ask family members or close friends how they liked the book. They’re the ones who are always hyped up to get a copy of your book, but not hyped enough to crack it open.
Don’t embarass them.
Closing Note:
You might be wondering if this was a real guide or just one long cry-laugh from someone who's been in the trenches too long.
Yes.